Why The Alias?

by POPSIE 1956

I like my last name.

I’ve done some searching, and it’s quite possible I’m the very last of the Marchinuke’s…possibly in the world.

(Some people might be quite happy with that last statement but I digress…)

Odds are, if you know a Marchinuke…I’m the guy.

So why, for nearly 40 years, have I used as different name for the various broadcasting jobs I’ve held?

Let’s review a few, then I’ll tell you the real reason.

When I was a young college DJ in 1974, I didn’t know any better and used my real last name on the air.

Never really thought about it, just happened.

Towards the end of my Junior Year, I had a chance to work at a commercial radio station in Ohio.

I asked around, and if I remember correctly, people there suggested I not use Marchinuke, and instead try my middle name…Patrick…as my “radio” last name.

So Mike Patrick was born.

Around 1983, I moved to another city in the Buckeye State.  For the first week, I did the graveyard shift, still as Mike Patrick.

The second week I was doing Afternoon Drive (it was an odd station…trust me on that one).

Some time later at the same station, I did Mornings, and someone told me I was now Mister Mike (or Mister Mikey, I used them both).

I still was Mike Patrick, but officially I was “Mister Mike (Mikey) In The Morning”

OK, I can deal with that.

It kind of stayed that way till @ 1986, and I moved to my home town of Albany NY.

I got a job doing the Night Show on the CHR (non radio people-Top 40) station in town.

Now we had a problem.

I was going to be following a guy who ALSO had a first name of Mike (Technically at the time he was Michael but stay with me).

My new boss said (at 10 in the morning on my first day of work, and I was going live on the air THAT NIGHT at 7) “You need another name”.

Damn.

That’s a lot of pressure.

Around 5:30 he says “I have it…..Shadow Michaels!”

The name “Shadow” was one used by some on air jocks around the country, well that’s better than nothing.

So that night, a new Air Personality was born.

And I ran with it!  Shadow became a mad man, an off the wall goof stick who should have been put back on his meds a LONG time ago.

I gave myself some other names to go along with the image…and I’m truthfully amazed some people remember it;

“Shadow Michaels, the Crier of Desire, the Bust Of Lust, the Dove of Love (?), THE MIGHTY PARTY BEAST OF THE GREAT NORTH EAST!”

Yeah, I was pretty ballsy.

Fast forward a few years, I’m “sidetracked” into another career outside of broadcasting (the bastards fired me).

I get a chance to go back to the old station and “Shadow” had a rebirth, then they wanted me on the cluster’s Country station.

I go back to Mike Patrick, then they give me another Morning Show.

“Hey, let’s call you Big Mike Patrick”…

I had put on quite a few pounds, and it sounded better than “Fat Mike Patrick”.

Today, I am a “respected” Broadcast Journalist, another News Geek, and it’s just “Mike Patrick” again, and I for one am quite happy.

Now, the reason I never used “Marchinuke” on the air after college.

I was in Ohio and had a part time job at a company that organized and ran various training sessions on various topics all over the country.

This one particular day, I was contacting law enforcement agencies about an upcoming session on crime fighting techniques being held in Alabama.

Here’s where it gets fun…

I call a Sheriff in a town in Alabama (you’ll understand why I won’t give the specific community).

“Yello?”

“Hello Sheriff, my name is Mike Marchinuke”..(and I ask if he got the material and was going).

“Yeah Yankee I did…”

Well this is not good…he continued…

(And I am NOT making up ONE word of the following)

“We got a bunch of good ole boys on the force, and we take care of ourselves..as a matter of fact every Saturday night we get (insert phrase for getting drunk) and go into town and whoop us a couple of (insert minority that’s had a tough time Down South), so WE DON’T NEED ANY OF YOU G.D. (expand the word) YANKEE TRAINING FROM YOU G.D. (expand the word) SISSY (insert slang for homosexuals)!”

Wow.

“By the way, what was your name again?”

“Mike”.

“No….your last name…”

Oh Hell.

“Marchinuke”.

“What is that?”

Now I did it…

“Ukrainian”..

Silence…

“What?”

“Ukrainian”…..

Silence…

“What?”

OK, let’s get it over with…

“Russian”…..

3…2…

“WELL I’LL BE G.D. (expand the word) IF I’M GONNA LISTEN TO SOME G.D. (expand the word) YANKEE ( insert name for having sex with a female parent) WHO IS A G.D. (expand the word) COMMIE (insert name of one who performs oral sex on a man)!!!!!”

And THAT’S why the only public display of the name Marchinuke from that day forward will be on my tombstone…

 

 

Advertisements