The Radio Freaks Come Out At Night!

by POPSIE 1956

By far, this story is in my “Top Five Of All Time True Stories In My Broadcasting Career.” Considering I’ve been behind a microphone since college in 1974 and going pro in 1977, that’s saying a lot. I would even be close to putting it as Number One as well.

The odd thing is, while you may not believe it, it IS true, because not only was I there, but I have a witness.

However, while the stations are accurate, some names HAVE been changed, not to protect the innocent, but in the case of two individuals, to keep them from dying of embarrassment.

The scene of the crime takes place in Albany, NY, somewhere between say late 1986 and 1988 tops, to take a guess. I’m working at CHR/Top 40 FLY 92, doing nights under my identity at the time, the Crier Of Desire, Shadow Michaels.

A pause before continuing to set the tone. Technically, no internet, no computers either. We were “live on the air” 24/7/365. There HAD to be someone in the Control Room at ALL times. If your replacement wasn’t there on time, you HAD to stay until they showed up.

OK, here we go. Participant Number One; a “Baby Jock,” in this case their first radio job. A lovely woman, whose name I will not reveal, let’s call her…..”Scary.”

Some of my local colleagues already know who I am speaking of.

Scary was a recent graduate of a local broadcast school. When one gets into the business, there are many reasons why.

For Scary, it had to do with Duran Duran.

She didn’t want to MEET Duran Duran.

She didn’t want AN AUTOGRAPH from Duran Duran.

No, dear reader, Scary wanted to DO Duran Duran!

And at the time, she would be the first one to TELL you that.

This is when the band was white hot on the charts and could do nothing wrong.

During the Summer Season, Duran Duran played at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center (SPAC), and management chose SCARY to cover the concert; hand out bumper stickers, say hi to the fans, blow the band…..

Scary did a couple of live phone drops before the show. What happened later in the evening is between her, the band, and God.

To be fair, Scary was VERY young, and still a bit on the wild side. She took over for me at midnight, and most nights came in the studio well before her scheduled shift looking, and frankly smelling like, what I’ve been told is a French whore, and actually CHANGED HER CLOTHES RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

On occasion, she would sitTHISCLOSETOMEINTHECONTROLROOMASIDIDMYSHOW, shoving her glands toward me waiting for me to devour them like a dog with a Beggin’ Strip placed under his nose.

While I didn’t bite, I was married (see Ex Wife Number Two), one night, I gave in, grabbed the massive tracts of land and said “There, I played with your tits now leave me alone and get out!”

Now let’s bring in Participant Number Two; a radio listener who called me up one night and introduced herself to me as “Throbbin’ Robin,” saying she was a radio jockette from the West Coast, and was quite charmed by my sexy radio voice, proceeding to…entice me with quips, attempt to stir up my loins, and make promises I just KNEW would never happen.

For those not in radio, especially, say, after the mid to late 90’s when live radio started to go away, hi should understand that disc jockeys, and this is a generalization, on many an occasion would meet…and REALLY meet…listeners…starting with the listener calling the station.

Or meeting the jock at a remote or event.

Or sending enticng pictures in the mail to the jock…..everyone knowing FULL WELL the pictures were NOT of the person SENDING the pictures.

Most of my peers, male AND female in the business, might say that never happened to them…..perhaps….but let’s just say they may sing a different tune when I whip out my King James Bible.

So, as is the case, I never physically MET Robin (and I’m just guessing that is NOT her real name BTW).

One night, a Wednesday to be exact, midnight was upon us and I awaited for Scary to take over so I could go home.

But midnight came and went, no Scary.

12:15, no Scary.

By 12:30 I was getting pissed. As much as I hated to do so, I called my boss at the time, Program Director…..AND MORNING GUY Todd Pettengill, who was to be on the air at 5:45 that morning.

Todd asks me to hang out till 1, if no Scary, he will come in and hold the fort till the Morning Show.

At about 12:45 I hear a loud noise from down the hall, laughing, swearing, giggling.

It’s Scary, drunk as a loon and high as a kite.

That’s not all; with her is this MASSIVELY LARGE WOMAN dressed just as slutty as Scary is, she looks at me and says “Hi, I’m Throbbin’ Robin.”

Well shit!

Robin was also just as drunk and high as Scary.

And both were…let’s say…frisky.

I could have left, but something inside told me I needed to stay for a while…to paraphrase Flounder in “Animal House,” this was gonna be great!

Earlier I mentioned a witness, who was there but did not see EVERYTHING, but I am relying on what I heard from her, and from others the next day, to finish up this tale.

I’ll call her “Country Gal,” a woman, who along with her sister (also a DJ) were graduates from Shaker High School as I was, although a few years behind me. She was working the overnight shift for 1540 WPTR during it’s days as a Country station.

Scary and Robin decided to “put on a show” for me, ripping off their shirts and boulder holders, then. taking magic markers, drew smiley faces on their respective ta tas, and had a “gland fight” to see whose knockers were strongest.

I don’t remember who won….and does it really matter?

During this time Scary was still ON THE AIR…don’t know how, and she was LIVE, meaning at minimum she has to hit a new song or jingle or commercial every few minutes or so.

To this day, I have no idea how she did it, but somehow, we stayed on the air.

Things were really starting to get out of hand, and I decided, a good decision in retrospect, it was time to split.

The rest of the story, again, is from the perspective of Country Gal, Pettengill, and some co workers.

I’m not 100% sure, but I believe I did call Todd to tell him Scary arrived, and I think I gave a heads up on her…..condition.

From what I have gathered, Todd at some point turned on the station and heard dead air, a major no no, especially for a station such as FLY. He called the private “Hot Line” to check with Scary…but Scary wasn’t picking up, and we still had dead air.

Todd called Country Gal who basically said get there…..NOW.

Here’s the fine line between fact and fiction; I wasn’t there for this, but I have no reason to believe it went down any other way.

Todd runs over to the Albany Street studios and comes in the Lobby, greeted by Throbbin’ Robin, passed out on a couch, naked from the waist up, smiley faces on the boobies, with a hand down her pants, stuck in the …..nether region.

Shocked and appalled, Todd goes to the FLY studio where he finds Scary passed out on a chair, and let’s just say in a carbon copy pose as Robin.

I’m told Scary never worked in radio again, and according to rumors, became in time a Born Again Christian.

Totally unknown as to what happened to Robin….my guess is…there were a lot of radio stations in the market back then…there’s a lot of radio stations in the market now, you make the connection.

This story may shock and awe you, but I stand here as a survivor of those days, and there are many, many, MANY others in the business who can back it up with similar hi jinks of their own.

I promise you this, you will NEVER EVER have behavior like that at a radio station again…..

Unless the station can make some money out of it.