“The Job”-A Real Nightmare!
by POPSIE 1956
I’m quite confident many people in various occupations on occasion have dreams, and not of the good kind, about their job.
This is probably associated with having a very stressful job, where you’re multi tasking all the time; and/or your co workers are idiots, and/or your boss is an asshole.
In broadcasting, all three factors come to mind more often than not…except for my current co workers, who are THE BEST DAMN CO WORKERS ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH, and my immediate supervisor WHO IS A SAINT!
That’s why broadcasters worldwide, probably since the words “Watson come here I need you,”were first uttered, at one time or another, if not frequently, experience something called “THE DREAM.”
If you’re not a broadcaster, I’m sure you can think of similar scenarios for your line of work. For broadcasters, there’s one general theme when we have “THE DREAM,”…shit doesn’t work.
Let me try to explain for non radio people, and for “younger generation” broadcasters, since it may not be as vivid due to the fact that technology has advanced so much in recent years.
As with other occupations, you’re NOTHING without the needed tools to perform your job.
In many if not most versions of “THE DREAM,”…NONE of the tools work, and you go into IMMEDIATE panic mode.
Example, you, a non radio person, hear dead air on your favorite station, and while you may get momentarily annoyed, you probably switch to another station.
When a RADIO person hears dead air, and it’s THEIR station, and THEY’RE the one on the air..that’s when the unexpected bowel movements start.
The following is a hyper-extended example of one of the many times I had “THE DREAM.”
For the sake of the example, some tools will be utilized that aren’t really used anymore.
“THE DREAM” starts with me walking into a Radio Station Control Room and hearing nothing.
Dead air, no sound over the speakers, the needles not moving on the Control Board…
First thing I do is run to the computer, which has just crashed, and “THE BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH” appears.
No computer, time for Old School…
Grab some handy dandy compact discs, thrown them in the machine, and EVERY SINGLE ONE of the discs can’t be read…
Time for REALLY Old School, there’s VINYL RECORDS in the studio (just work with me on this one), there’s two working (or so I think) turntables.
But BOTH turntables have broken needles, and the tonearm just keeps sliding over the record, and there’s not a coin in site (that’s an shout out to those who used turntables and knew what to do with the coin).
WAIT A MINUTE-I HAVE CARTS!!!!!
(Non radio people, carts are similar to the old style 8 track tapes, with individual songs on them)
I have three cart machines, but each cart I put in gets destroyed by the machine and chews up the tape.
Damn, damn, damn…
Last resort, just turn on the microphone and talk.
(Remember, all through this time the station is still off the air, and NOW people…INCLUDING THE GENERAL MANAGER, SALES MANAGER, AND STATION OWNER, ARE STARING AT YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW, SCREAMING AND WAVING THEIR ARMS AND FISTS.)
I turn on the microphone and start to talk…nothing…all of the connectors are right…there are three microphones in the studio, all working, but none of them are picking up my voice.
I go in panic mode and start to TALK LOUDER…..
Then my voice stop working…
Not a sound…
Not a grunt…
Then I get SO annoyed and SO pissed off I start a series of F-Bombs that would make a sailor blush…..
THAT’S when my voice…and the microphone..start to work again…
And I just F-BOMBED 38 states and half of Canada…
At that very instant, the General Manager, Sales Manager and Station Owner come into the studio to immediately can my ass.
And THAT’S when I wake up in a cold sweat.
I have had variations of “THE DREAM” for 40 plus years.
I have spoken with my current and former co workers over the years and they have expressed their version of it to me.
For those reading this who are/have been in the business, feel free to post YOUR version of “THE DREAM.”
For those reading this in a business other than broadcasting who have similar dreams, feel free to post your experiences.
As for me, I’m off to CVS for a lifetime supply of No Doz.
Don’t let the bed bugs bite!